Leonard Nimoy

"I had an embarrassing experience once, many years ago," he told The New York Times in 2009. "I was invited to go to Caltech and was introduced to a number of very brilliant young people who were working on interesting projects. ... And they'd say to me, 'What do you think?' Expecting me to have some very sound advice. And I would nod very quietly and very sagely I would say, 'You're on the right track.' "

Go Russ Go!

Go, Russ, Go!

 

On the set of the Australian film Proof, Russell Crowe is said to have seduced a young ingenue in his trailer.

Though he later denied it, passersby who knew what Crowe was up to swear that, during the act, he was overheard shouting "Go, Russ, go!" at the top of his lungs.

Jack Nicholson

“I was working valet at the mansion. We used to park the nicer cars in the roundabout just for show. At 2 AM Jack (Nicholson) comes out with a tall blond girl. She couldn’t have been a day over 25 and they start going at it on top of a 1952 Jaguar Roadster. It wasn’t the kissy-kissy stuff either. They were both drunk.

I’m watching this when the owner of the Jag walks up to me. It was James Caan. I thought he was going to kill me for allowing this to happen. Caan was a nice guy but he had a temper.

I said, “Mr. Caan, Shall I go fetch your car.”

James Caan looked at me and said,

“Son, you don’t take meat away from a lion when it’s eating. I’ll be in the kitchen.”

Schwarzenegger

Schwarzenegger - Guess ?

One day Arnold Schwarzenegger passed a heavy woman and noticed that she was wearing a sweatshirt emblazoned with the 'Guess' logo. Arnold's response? "I said, 'Thyroid problem?'"

Bill Murray - Charlies Angels

Bill Murray and Lucy Liu didn’t get along on the set of the first Charlie’s Angels. Bill was always uncomfortable around her and nobody knew why until one day a huge fight erupted between the two while they were filming a scene. People Magazine reported the Bill ‘loudly complained about her technique.’ People was being gentle.

What actually transpired was much more intense. Bill Murray stopped a scene in progress and pointed to Drew Barrymore, Cameron Diaz, and Lucy Liu saying in order, “I get why you’re here, and you’ve got talent….but what in the hell are you doing here. You can’t act!” At that, Liu blew her lid and attacked Murray, wildly throwing punches. The actors had to be separated to opposite corners of the room while they lobbed verbal hand grenades at each other.

With a Columbia Pictures gun to their heads, both actors would publicly downplay in incident but insiders know better. Bill Murray would not do any sequel with Liu attached and was subsequently replaced by Bernie Mac.

Harriason Ford

Harrison Ford: "I have this funny thing that happens to me. When I see famous people on the street, I turn away so as not to embarrass them by staring. But sometimes it's someone I know, only I've forgotten I know them. I think I'm only imagining I know them because they're famous. Jack Nicholson has been a friend for 15 years, but every time I see him, my instinct is to turn away, to preserve his privacy. I have to remind myself that I can't do that; I do know Jack and I've got to say hi."

Damn liar

Mark Twain

Mark Twain loved to brag about his hunting and fishing exploits. He once spent three weeks fishing in the Maine woods, regardless of the fact that it was the state's closed season for fishing. Relaxing in the lounge car of the train on his return journey to New York, his catch iced down in the baggage car, he looked for someone to whom he could relate the story of his successful holiday.

The stranger to whom he began to boast of his sizable catch appeared at first unresponsive, then positively grim. "By the way, who are you, sir?" inquired Twain airily. "I'm the state game warden," was the unwelcome response. "Who are you?" Twain nearly swallowed his cigar. "Well, to be perfectly truthful, warden," he said hastily, "I'm the biggest damn liar in the whole United States."

Poison

Churchill

Nancy Astor was a native Virginian who became Britain’s first woman member of the House of Commons. In the 1930’s she headed a clique in the House of Commons that found something to admire in Hitler’s Germany. Churchill described an Astorite as an appeaser "who feeds the crocodile hoping that it will eat him last." One time shortly thereafter, Churchill found himself at Cliveden, the Astor mansion.

After dinner Lady Astor presided over the pouring of coffee. When Churchill came by, she glared and said. "Winston, if I were your wife, I’d put poison in your coffee." "Nancy," Churchill replied to the acid-tongued woman, "if I were your husband, I’d drink it."

Biscuits

Some years ago the following exchange was broadcast on an Open University sociology TV programme.

An interviewer was talking to a female production-line worker in a biscuit factory. The dialogue went like this:
Interviewer: How long have you worked here?

Production Lady: Since I left school (probably about 15 years).
Interviewer: What do you do?
Production Lady: I take packets of biscuits off the conveyor belt and put them into cardboard boxes.
Interviewer: Have you always done the same job?
Production Lady: Yes.
Interviewer: Do you enjoy it?
Production Lady: Oooh Yes, it's great, everyone is so nice and friendly, we have a good laugh.
Interviewer (with a hint of disbelief): Really? Don't you find it a bit boring?
Production Lady: Oh no, sometimes they change the biscuits...

Ugly

Morning After

One night in the House of Commons, Churchill, after imbibing a few drinks, stumbled into Bessie Braddock, a corpulent Labourite member from Liverpool. 

An angry Bessie straightened her clothes and addressed the British statesman.

"Winston," she roared. "You are drunk, and what’s more, you are disgustingly drunk."

Churchill, surveying Bessie, replied, "And might I say, Mrs. Braddock, you are ugly, and what’s more, disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow,"

Churchill added, "I shall be sober."